So i get a call from my agent at 11 in the morning, he's on the other end babbling about this Frank guy and how i have to cover this show because when ever this guy decides to re visit his past by coming to Kalamazoo this "Funkberry Jam" happens and then they break up so they can have a reunion show the next time. Its been like that for quite a while, break up, then reunited. Anyway i decided to treat this like any other assignment i get and go with the hope that maybe they have changed. I was right this time, they haven't changed, the lead "singer" was still in his underwear, now i understand that this venue has a hunting cabin theme to it but this guy was like all Escanaba in the moonlight with his fuzzy hat and longjohns on. I know now what it was like to only photograph or film elvis from the waste up so i changed from my
wide angle over to my zoom lens trying to catch his good side, there wasn't one. The Funkberry Jam usually consists of Jaybes as the lead singer, The guy all the girls show up for, Frank Ballard on drums and then they have a bass player. Another guitar player by the name of Shreddie Eddie sits in too but apparently he had some music to play. So back to this Frank guy. He was a complete contrast to the lead singer, wearing his beer distribution employee uniform complete with trucker cap flailing his arms about like an out of control Muppet, he attempted to keep time. All i could think about was that my Timex does a better job and it has a click track. The most talent in this group has to belong to the bass player, he was there. I saw him in the corner a few times when i thought i heard a bass note make its way through the drums and the shrieking of the guitar. Obviously the talent of the bass player exceeded the talent of the rest of the band as a whole.I went to this show for two reasons, i was getting paid and two, i figured i could get laid (i will write a review on that later) so anyway, the Funkberry Jam to me is taking all that this town has been trying to do with establishing a respect for art and artists and just pissing on it, its like having someone urinate in your ear with these guys. The lead singer Jaybes is a white guy singing the blues dressed like he's stalking prey out in the woods of portage. You know that game musical chairs? well these guys thought they would play a game called musical instruments by having Frank, the guy that can play the guitar half as good as the guy that didn't show up (Eddie) play the drums and that's ok when he knows the songs but because they were trying to be all artsy fartsy he didn't know the set list. The days of bands dropping out of art school and being successful like that are over, do yourself a favor kids, drop out of art school and get a real job, you won't get anywhere doing that shit. I know the economy is bad and there aren't many jobs but using that as an excuse to start a band is just giving up to me. If it wasn't for beer and other alcoholic drinks i think the audience would have been forced to listen to these guys instead they were distracted by the multitude of photographers trying to get that one elusive photo of a guitar player sitting down behind a drum kit and wishing that Eddie guy would have showed up. Kalamazoo has better bands than this playing in better venues, i call on real music fans to support out of town bands at the classier joints like that one down by the wayside and that one near the firehouse cause these guys just need to move away and spend some time in Nashville or something so they can learn from the corporate artists down there and then we can have a reunion show on a bigger stage with real lights and stuff. This has offended some people and its not meant to be taken seriously, i was asked to write this and those that know that thought it was hilarious.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA "distracted by a multitude of photographers trying to get that one elusive photo."
ReplyDeleteFunny I thought they were there to photograph the drunk girls!
Too funny! For my part I thought the band rocked! Especially the part where Jordan refused to play till the girl danced, and then she refused...
OK so first of all, where are they having live music by Firehouse or Wayside? At the coin laundry! LOL I really would like to know I’ll go and check it out. I’ve played music my whole life, locally and abroad for the last 15 years. Music starts at home, then locally, and if you’re lucky you get paid a stupid amount of money to do it for a living. I have never had the privilege to attend a “Funkberry Jam” but have heard lots of good things about it. I personally know and have heard all of the musicians you mention in this band but one. (The singer) I also have shared the stage with all but the singer and Jordan. There is something to be said for these guys, (Jordan) who toured with a major Blues band over seas and Frankie having a record deal with Warner Brothers. That’s quite an accomplishment from my prospective. The bass player also is one of the best around if it’s who I think it was. I think maybe as a journalist (which I am not!) (But apparently you! are) That tact goes a long way in getting respect from your readers. Rather than insult and put downs! These boys have been doing this for most of their lives and have earned my respect. And as far as comparing Louies to Firehouse or Wayside there is no comparison. Bump, Bump, and Gangsters is not music its arrangement. Not one person at Louies would ever feel forced to be there, those people come to hear the music, they love the bands and it’s great that there is a place where people can still go to enjoy music. I’ve played there a couple times myself and will play there again for the simple reason that people are there to listen to the music not just to get as you put it “Laid”! Your chances probably would have been better if you would have gotten up and showed Frankie and Jordon how it was done. Trust me they would have gladly let you. It’s called a “Jam” for a reason its unrehearsed good time.
ReplyDeleteMy bands name is Dewsouth and I would like to invite you to one of my shows to see what you have to say about us. (dewsouthlive on all the spaces and books) Because I am sure you can find flaws in our show, appearance, height, weight, and all the other things that matter. I’ve never had a bad revue in 15 years would like one for my media folder. Sorry if that comes off arrogant but that was a pretty bad revue you wrote. But look at it this way you have one more reader! (Ironic) In closing would have been nice to see who’s name should appear at the bottom of your article kind of like Frankie Ballards name is on the front of his album because he is proud of his work weather you like his music or not!
Nate
Nate, this is a joke, Jordan asked me to write this for him. I wrote this, Jeff Dykhuis because he asked and he thought it was hilarious and so did Frankie and Eddie and Matt.
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