So i get a call from my agent at 11 in the morning, he's on the other end babbling about this Frank guy and how i have to cover this show because when ever this guy decides to re visit his past by coming to Kalamazoo this "Funkberry Jam" happens and then they break up so they can have a reunion show the next time. Its been like that for quite a while, break up, then reunited. Anyway i decided to treat this like any other assignment i get and go with the hope that maybe they have changed. I was right this time, they haven't changed, the lead "singer" was still in his underwear, now i understand that this venue has a hunting cabin theme to it but this guy was like all Escanaba in the moonlight with his fuzzy hat and longjohns on. I know now what it was like to only photograph or film elvis from the waste up so i changed from my
wide angle over to my zoom lens trying to catch his good side, there wasn't one. The Funkberry Jam usually consists of Jaybes as the lead singer, The guy all the girls show up for, Frank Ballard on drums and then they have a bass player. Another guitar player by the name of Shreddie Eddie sits in too but apparently he had some music to play. So back to this Frank guy. He was a complete contrast to the lead singer, wearing his beer distribution employee uniform complete with trucker cap flailing his arms about like an out of control Muppet, he attempted to keep time. All i could think about was that my Timex does a better job and it has a click track. The most talent in this group has to belong to the bass player, he was there. I saw him in the corner a few times when i thought i heard a bass note make its way through the drums and the shrieking of the guitar. Obviously the talent of the bass player exceeded the talent of the rest of the band as a whole.I went to this show for two reasons, i was getting paid and two, i figured i could get laid (i will write a review on that later) so anyway, the Funkberry Jam to me is taking all that this town has been trying to do with establishing a respect for art and artists and just pissing on it, its like having someone urinate in your ear with these guys. The lead singer Jaybes is a white guy singing the blues dressed like he's stalking prey out in the woods of portage. You know that game musical chairs? well these guys thought they would play a game called musical instruments by having Frank, the guy that can play the guitar half as good as the guy that didn't show up (Eddie) play the drums and that's ok when he knows the songs but because they were trying to be all artsy fartsy he didn't know the set list. The days of bands dropping out of art school and being successful like that are over, do yourself a favor kids, drop out of art school and get a real job, you won't get anywhere doing that shit. I know the economy is bad and there aren't many jobs but using that as an excuse to start a band is just giving up to me. If it wasn't for beer and other alcoholic drinks i think the audience would have been forced to listen to these guys instead they were distracted by the multitude of photographers trying to get that one elusive photo of a guitar player sitting down behind a drum kit and wishing that Eddie guy would have showed up. Kalamazoo has better bands than this playing in better venues, i call on real music fans to support out of town bands at the classier joints like that one down by the wayside and that one near the firehouse cause these guys just need to move away and spend some time in Nashville or something so they can learn from the corporate artists down there and then we can have a reunion show on a bigger stage with real lights and stuff. This has offended some people and its not meant to be taken seriously, i was asked to write this and those that know that thought it was hilarious.
